Your romance is more of a love that needs to bloom
within, just like Hedwig of Hedwig and the
Angry Inch. The film features an East German
transsexual who is seeking her "other
half" after constant betrayal. You must
love yourself before you can need another.
You're starting to realize this, along with the
fact that you don't need a significant other to
be a complete person. Your "other
half" has been inside you all along.
What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh my gosh… I’m officially certified a LESBO !
Ha!
But it is uncanny how accurate the rest of the results is just so me.
Or am I just looking out for things that describe myself?
I’m sure there’s some psychology term for this phenomenal. Well, if you’re really bored and have nothing to do after your exams, unlike me who’s very bored and have something else better to do during my exams, do go take some nonsense quiz.
Cheers!
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Tuesday, November 30, 2004 |
0 comments
**WARNING!!! THE CONTENTS THAT FOLLOW MAY BE NAUSEATING**
After a hiatus of quite some time, I finally did my home spa today. Let me tell you, as the super hot water engulfed me and the vigorously bubbling (er…) bubbles worked at toning my flab soft tender flesh, I felt so very extremely… SHIOK ah! Hee…
Haha…
After the most excellent spa session, off I went, scampering happily into my room to do self examination. You know, the routine: stare at my face, squeeze what ever that needs to be squeezed, apply applicable condiments, comb my hair, try different partings, smile into the mirror, pout, make cute faces… you mean you don’t do that? Don’t pretend… But anyway, too bad my dad doesn’t read this, coz it’ll give him a clue why I take a good 20 minutes to put on a tee and a pair of jeans in the morning. Haha!
But the point is, with the late afternoon light and my face flushed from the steaming hot half and hour bath, with the exception of 2 zits on my cheek, and my super good mood thinking that tomorrow will be the last day of my exams and that I’ll be going shopping, (Ho! Ho!) together with that particular angle in the mirror…
I must say, despite all the clauses:
Darn, you look good girl!
Hee… sorry ah, no pictures coz I’m not into kinky things and photoshop. =P
But presenting the theme song of the day. “Man, I feel like a woman. Ta da la da da dub…”
Heh! But another 5 kg off will be even better lah…
*grinz*
After a hiatus of quite some time, I finally did my home spa today. Let me tell you, as the super hot water engulfed me and the vigorously bubbling (er…) bubbles worked at toning my flab soft tender flesh, I felt so very extremely… SHIOK ah! Hee…
Haha…
After the most excellent spa session, off I went, scampering happily into my room to do self examination. You know, the routine: stare at my face, squeeze what ever that needs to be squeezed, apply applicable condiments, comb my hair, try different partings, smile into the mirror, pout, make cute faces… you mean you don’t do that? Don’t pretend… But anyway, too bad my dad doesn’t read this, coz it’ll give him a clue why I take a good 20 minutes to put on a tee and a pair of jeans in the morning. Haha!
But the point is, with the late afternoon light and my face flushed from the steaming hot half and hour bath, with the exception of 2 zits on my cheek, and my super good mood thinking that tomorrow will be the last day of my exams and that I’ll be going shopping, (Ho! Ho!) together with that particular angle in the mirror…
I must say, despite all the clauses:
Darn, you look good girl!
Hee… sorry ah, no pictures coz I’m not into kinky things and photoshop. =P
But presenting the theme song of the day. “Man, I feel like a woman. Ta da la da da dub…”
Heh! But another 5 kg off will be even better lah…
*grinz*
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Tuesday, November 30, 2004 |
0 comments
I'm stressed, sian and sad...
Still have 2 more days of exams!
And as Kapo astutely points out... if I'm bloggin means I'm sad.
Ha...
Sanity drifting off...
Still have 2 more days of exams!
And as Kapo astutely points out... if I'm bloggin means I'm sad.
Ha...
Sanity drifting off...
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Monday, November 29, 2004 |
0 comments
From left: Norman, Chuan Yao and Lingfeng
Kenna feedback that my entries very long and chim.
Sian man...
Gonna keep this short...
Check out my "hot" bro! Runs in the family.
Ha ha...
Anyway, I'm not always sad and depressed.
Spastic acts as depicted cheers me up...
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Sunday, November 28, 2004 |
1 comments
Some days, I get quite disgusted with myself. I am such an emotional wimp… the slightest spark of sudden thought sends me spiraling into spasms of, I don’t know what. Sentiments? Sensations? Can’t think of a word that aptly describes the dull, throbbing ache in abbess of my chest. That spot there just above your abdomen. Ever felt that?
This unidentifiable feeling is so physical and so felt that I can’t determine if it is a bodily reaction or that thing I used to call emotion. I can’t put my finger to what and why but I do know who…
Do you realize that we feel in layers? Things that happen around us cause us to have a reaction. As much as that reaction is so vivid and stark it diminishes. Part of it fades away, gets forgotten but the rest of it permeates to a deeper layer of your being. This deeper layer is like a more constant entity. Like being stressed or tired? Or more positively that feeling that you’re okay, alright…
Then there is this layer that perplexes me now. When higher levels of stimuli are gone, then you think of someone, something and somehow neurons in your brain links parts of your life, so that this someone or something you thought of becomes catalysis for an associate feeling.
Can anyone identify or empathize?
Or am I the last confused adult around?
Have you ever wondered how to comfort your friend when he/she is down? (Kapo this is for you) I think the best way is to test if your friend wants to talk about it. If your friend hopes to bury everything away and move on, then please just talk nonsense and distract him/her.
Coz I think when there are significant surface emotions, the deeper layers can have time to infiltrate to this aquifer-like part in us that forms memories. Memories being mental rather than emotional just evoke nostalgia I guess, not sentiments.
I think I prefer to be rational.
Most of the time, people around me see me as this steady, rational, thinking type; Or this half-assed, crazy, full of nonsense person. Tough as nails or frivolous bimbo.
I am, as my brother euphemistically put it, “vulnerable in love”… vulnerable when I’m in love coz I have no control over my emotions. Vulnerable when it comes to matter of the heart coz despite what I say, I react in a totally different way.
Sigh… typically female.
I’m not talking about lurve like the romantic kind here. I don’t obsess bout it all the time. Ha… just most of the time these days.
I think at the end of it. I just wanna kick myself in the ass, in the head, in the stomach… (everywhere!) for having an absolute lack of control over myself.
Ai! Emotional wimp!
Stop it you idiot!
*grrr*
Bring on Miss Control Freak!
And bring out the whips!
Woo-hoo!
This unidentifiable feeling is so physical and so felt that I can’t determine if it is a bodily reaction or that thing I used to call emotion. I can’t put my finger to what and why but I do know who…
Do you realize that we feel in layers? Things that happen around us cause us to have a reaction. As much as that reaction is so vivid and stark it diminishes. Part of it fades away, gets forgotten but the rest of it permeates to a deeper layer of your being. This deeper layer is like a more constant entity. Like being stressed or tired? Or more positively that feeling that you’re okay, alright…
Then there is this layer that perplexes me now. When higher levels of stimuli are gone, then you think of someone, something and somehow neurons in your brain links parts of your life, so that this someone or something you thought of becomes catalysis for an associate feeling.
Can anyone identify or empathize?
Or am I the last confused adult around?
Have you ever wondered how to comfort your friend when he/she is down? (Kapo this is for you) I think the best way is to test if your friend wants to talk about it. If your friend hopes to bury everything away and move on, then please just talk nonsense and distract him/her.
Coz I think when there are significant surface emotions, the deeper layers can have time to infiltrate to this aquifer-like part in us that forms memories. Memories being mental rather than emotional just evoke nostalgia I guess, not sentiments.
I think I prefer to be rational.
Most of the time, people around me see me as this steady, rational, thinking type; Or this half-assed, crazy, full of nonsense person. Tough as nails or frivolous bimbo.
I am, as my brother euphemistically put it, “vulnerable in love”… vulnerable when I’m in love coz I have no control over my emotions. Vulnerable when it comes to matter of the heart coz despite what I say, I react in a totally different way.
Sigh… typically female.
I’m not talking about lurve like the romantic kind here. I don’t obsess bout it all the time. Ha… just most of the time these days.
I think at the end of it. I just wanna kick myself in the ass, in the head, in the stomach… (everywhere!) for having an absolute lack of control over myself.
Ai! Emotional wimp!
Stop it you idiot!
*grrr*
Bring on Miss Control Freak!
And bring out the whips!
Woo-hoo!
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Saturday, November 27, 2004 |
0 comments
Just like that, my darling didi is gone… *sniff*
My beloved xiao feng is now on board LST 208 on the way to Iraq.
Gonna miss him…
Already missing him actually.
Ha! But enough of mushy stuff… Those things are private ya? (or for his case, corporal… *ahem* lame I know…)
Went to send him off this morning and woo-hoo! Major testosterone overdose! All those men! *droolz*
Ha ha… I sound like a pervert I think, or at least a (she)-man.
But seriously, men in uniform are really quite a turn-on. There they were, all tanned and toned and young. And check it out! They come in different varieties too! (batteries not included) The beach boy types, the boy-next-door type, the silent brooding types, the aloof unapproachable type, the SNAG type, the cheeky funny type and of course… the intellectual type which I like…
*winkz*
All there acting cool (so one doesn’t see the moronic/bastard side of them) Except for certain course instructors… haha… but it’s ok. They’re funny… or darn lame like me. [ref to footnote 1]
Then, the ones in the crisp white shirts, pristinely ironed blue pants (Yea, I know it’s called number 3)… my gosh! Complete with the raybands… sigh… I think it is the rank and the uniform, coz I think out of the context of the navy, when they’re not so smug and cocky strutting officers, these people will probably just be “alright lah” to me…
Darn the uniform!
Oh oh… except for a couple of them. Cuties!
Ha… so to all my girl friends out there. Take it from me, DON’T date regulars… haha… making a slightly too far logic leap…my dad told me so. It’s good advice k, coz he’s a regular and he has all the real insiders’ info about the high probability of them being jerks.
To my male regular friends reading this, sorry ah… But take comfort in that there are stupid, stubborn girls abound.
Like me!
*bleahz*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Footnote: HH Lau can be old Santa Clause during the Xmas party. Ho! Ho! (HH) and Lau (old) get it? Better explain it…] Haha… I’m bu hao qi fu one k? Brr… Diao!
My beloved xiao feng is now on board LST 208 on the way to Iraq.
Gonna miss him…
Already missing him actually.
Ha! But enough of mushy stuff… Those things are private ya? (or for his case, corporal… *ahem* lame I know…)
Went to send him off this morning and woo-hoo! Major testosterone overdose! All those men! *droolz*
Ha ha… I sound like a pervert I think, or at least a (she)-man.
But seriously, men in uniform are really quite a turn-on. There they were, all tanned and toned and young. And check it out! They come in different varieties too! (batteries not included) The beach boy types, the boy-next-door type, the silent brooding types, the aloof unapproachable type, the SNAG type, the cheeky funny type and of course… the intellectual type which I like…
*winkz*
All there acting cool (so one doesn’t see the moronic/bastard side of them) Except for certain course instructors… haha… but it’s ok. They’re funny… or darn lame like me. [ref to footnote 1]
Then, the ones in the crisp white shirts, pristinely ironed blue pants (Yea, I know it’s called number 3)… my gosh! Complete with the raybands… sigh… I think it is the rank and the uniform, coz I think out of the context of the navy, when they’re not so smug and cocky strutting officers, these people will probably just be “alright lah” to me…
Darn the uniform!
Oh oh… except for a couple of them. Cuties!
Ha… so to all my girl friends out there. Take it from me, DON’T date regulars… haha… making a slightly too far logic leap…my dad told me so. It’s good advice k, coz he’s a regular and he has all the real insiders’ info about the high probability of them being jerks.
To my male regular friends reading this, sorry ah… But take comfort in that there are stupid, stubborn girls abound.
Like me!
*bleahz*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Footnote: HH Lau can be old Santa Clause during the Xmas party. Ho! Ho! (HH) and Lau (old) get it? Better explain it…] Haha… I’m bu hao qi fu one k? Brr… Diao!
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Saturday, November 27, 2004 |
2 comments
I just typed a like super long entry and the #$%T^Y&UII&^%$ coz I clicked on "ok" the whole bloody thing is gone!
Wah liao! Damn dui!
9w03urojc r0894un908452[509q34e[=0
2-9i5t042875
Pissed...
But like how I ended what I've typed like for a bloody hour early freaking in the morning,
Life's unfair, shit happens.
Suck it up!
Wah liao! Damn dui!
9w03urojc r0894un908452[509q34e[=0
2-9i5t042875
Pissed...
But like how I ended what I've typed like for a bloody hour early freaking in the morning,
Life's unfair, shit happens.
Suck it up!
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Friday, November 26, 2004 |
1 comments
Suddenly, it just struck me. That my self identity is really based on what others think of me. It's really scary coz when I do think about it, my entire life, the way I do things, how I interact with other people and even the way I handle my life and emotions is freaking dishonest.
Was talking to YT on the bus just now and gave her this analysis on how I'm glad certain things in my life has happened. That it is for the better. That my stupidity is a magnifier for the areas I need to work on in my life.
To borrow a secondary school term: Act mature.
(wtf)
Actually, more like act rational, act brave and act like YT's refrain of "But how could you" was about her anecdote and is not parallel to my stark stupidity. I use the word "stupid", but I actually mean something else... the unidentifiable other. I don't even know what...
It's just freakingly tragic that my life is such a scam. I use words to psyche myself into thinking and seeing things a certain way. Up to a point where I don't know if I'm vocalizing my subconscious, my thoughts and opinion or if I'm using words to sculpt my mind and my feelings in a particular way.
Used to think that I think and process by talking. But now, I think I'm just a super big liar. Lie to myself, lie by personifying a limited side of myself now... lie coz I'm cowardly.
Am I refusing to see the ugly side? Or am I simply exaggerating my reactions coz I have to be a martyr?
On the bus ride home, there was this sadness in me. Tried putting my finger to what it was. Is it coz I'm horrified that I'm actually such a horrible person? Am I grieving for love lost? Is it just loneliness?
So many questions. No answer.
I really really dunno.
And the thing is that, I so very much wish I could cry.
But I can't.
Can't squeeze the tears out. Don't even have the right to...
This hypocrite has realized that her accusations are actually targeted at herself. Even if I didn't mean it, what is done has been done.
I really need to be honest with myself so that I can grow up and move on.
Am so disgusted at myself. Such a wimp...
Wish I can dissolve...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drifting cloud hoping for condensation.
Was talking to YT on the bus just now and gave her this analysis on how I'm glad certain things in my life has happened. That it is for the better. That my stupidity is a magnifier for the areas I need to work on in my life.
To borrow a secondary school term: Act mature.
(wtf)
Actually, more like act rational, act brave and act like YT's refrain of "But how could you" was about her anecdote and is not parallel to my stark stupidity. I use the word "stupid", but I actually mean something else... the unidentifiable other. I don't even know what...
It's just freakingly tragic that my life is such a scam. I use words to psyche myself into thinking and seeing things a certain way. Up to a point where I don't know if I'm vocalizing my subconscious, my thoughts and opinion or if I'm using words to sculpt my mind and my feelings in a particular way.
Used to think that I think and process by talking. But now, I think I'm just a super big liar. Lie to myself, lie by personifying a limited side of myself now... lie coz I'm cowardly.
Am I refusing to see the ugly side? Or am I simply exaggerating my reactions coz I have to be a martyr?
On the bus ride home, there was this sadness in me. Tried putting my finger to what it was. Is it coz I'm horrified that I'm actually such a horrible person? Am I grieving for love lost? Is it just loneliness?
So many questions. No answer.
I really really dunno.
And the thing is that, I so very much wish I could cry.
But I can't.
Can't squeeze the tears out. Don't even have the right to...
This hypocrite has realized that her accusations are actually targeted at herself. Even if I didn't mean it, what is done has been done.
I really need to be honest with myself so that I can grow up and move on.
Am so disgusted at myself. Such a wimp...
Wish I can dissolve...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drifting cloud hoping for condensation.
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Thursday, November 25, 2004 |
0 comments
Been a couple of days since I've put up anything. Was actually composing an entry in my mind about how I'm now trying to be thankful about everything in my life and also to spread love around. But then, I think dun need liao lah... coz I've done it again.
What?
Be obsessed and brood about stuff one freaking day before my exams! (ref to entry 1)
K, here it goes. I really need to get it out of my system... must admit that I'm kinda apprehensive bout what ppl think (as usual! What is wrong with me?) but then, the need for a solution is actually greater than the fear of repercussion.
Talked to M today and she gave me a real real real honest reality check. (Thanks babe! Think I need a voice in my life that doesn't baby me...)
Started thinking/reflecting/brooding bout the big hooha (at least in my life) with Mr Qi-Sin.
Think I shouldn't call him Qi-sin now... coz ah... I think I'm the more crazy one.(ai... read on to understand why)
Anyway, yesterday was still thinking that I'm quite glad I had the whole fiasco with QS. Coz it made me aware of what I wanted and realized that I actually have very supportive friends around. I still do, but I think now with the brand new paradigm shift, I've come to the conclusion that I'm as much a victimizer as I thought myself a victim.
Went through a hell lot of arguments in my mind about to what extend the whole thing was my fault.
Is it considered leading on if my own feelings were involved? If my feelings were involved, does the fact that I got over so quickly mean that I wasn't sincere in my affections? Am I really ok now in the first place? If I'm ok, why do I feel so much like shit now? Why do I want so much to just cry sitting in the central library computer cluster? (I didn't by the way... in case you're curious...)
Was making him wait a very evil thing? Is a couple of months a very long wait? Did I make him wait thinking that it was pointless? Did my manipulations push him to a point of desperation? Was I manipulating? Was the intention there? Does the initial intention count if I got emotionally dependent?
So my misery is coz of my own stupid hangups? And coz of my stupid hangups I screwed up some nice guy's life? Would he be permanently damaged coz I messed up his mind/life/heart?
It kinda gets into a circular argument after a while doesn't it?
So what should I do now?
Ai... I've reached the same conclusion as my last mistake. Too immature, too self-confident...so not ready to be a "soul-mate"...
The same conclusion.
I have not learnt.
(Hope I really learn the lesson well this time, darn sick of getting retained...)
Until I've fixed the screw ups in my life, I wont' and can't go on screwing up my own and other people's lives.
No little flirtations coz I'm not the smart kind of girl who knows how to play with the distance.
Please let there be no men in my life until "the one".
Please let me not be emotional when people are nice.
Please let me grow up!
Coz I'm still this stupid, silly little girl who thinks she's so smart to play with fire.
I dun need to play with fire to be warm.
Just a blanklet would do.
Thank God for friends.
Thanks M for giving me a wake up call.
Thanks JT for being the receiving end of my obsessive msn msg... (hope you dun think I'm weird)
Drifting back into equilibrium I hope...
What?
Be obsessed and brood about stuff one freaking day before my exams! (ref to entry 1)
K, here it goes. I really need to get it out of my system... must admit that I'm kinda apprehensive bout what ppl think (as usual! What is wrong with me?) but then, the need for a solution is actually greater than the fear of repercussion.
Talked to M today and she gave me a real real real honest reality check. (Thanks babe! Think I need a voice in my life that doesn't baby me...)
Started thinking/reflecting/brooding bout the big hooha (at least in my life) with Mr Qi-Sin.
Think I shouldn't call him Qi-sin now... coz ah... I think I'm the more crazy one.(ai... read on to understand why)
Anyway, yesterday was still thinking that I'm quite glad I had the whole fiasco with QS. Coz it made me aware of what I wanted and realized that I actually have very supportive friends around. I still do, but I think now with the brand new paradigm shift, I've come to the conclusion that I'm as much a victimizer as I thought myself a victim.
Went through a hell lot of arguments in my mind about to what extend the whole thing was my fault.
Is it considered leading on if my own feelings were involved? If my feelings were involved, does the fact that I got over so quickly mean that I wasn't sincere in my affections? Am I really ok now in the first place? If I'm ok, why do I feel so much like shit now? Why do I want so much to just cry sitting in the central library computer cluster? (I didn't by the way... in case you're curious...)
Was making him wait a very evil thing? Is a couple of months a very long wait? Did I make him wait thinking that it was pointless? Did my manipulations push him to a point of desperation? Was I manipulating? Was the intention there? Does the initial intention count if I got emotionally dependent?
So my misery is coz of my own stupid hangups? And coz of my stupid hangups I screwed up some nice guy's life? Would he be permanently damaged coz I messed up his mind/life/heart?
It kinda gets into a circular argument after a while doesn't it?
So what should I do now?
Ai... I've reached the same conclusion as my last mistake. Too immature, too self-confident...so not ready to be a "soul-mate"...
The same conclusion.
I have not learnt.
(Hope I really learn the lesson well this time, darn sick of getting retained...)
Until I've fixed the screw ups in my life, I wont' and can't go on screwing up my own and other people's lives.
No little flirtations coz I'm not the smart kind of girl who knows how to play with the distance.
Please let there be no men in my life until "the one".
Please let me not be emotional when people are nice.
Please let me grow up!
Coz I'm still this stupid, silly little girl who thinks she's so smart to play with fire.
I dun need to play with fire to be warm.
Just a blanklet would do.
Thank God for friends.
Thanks M for giving me a wake up call.
Thanks JT for being the receiving end of my obsessive msn msg... (hope you dun think I'm weird)
Drifting back into equilibrium I hope...
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Thursday, November 25, 2004 |
0 comments
Amazed again at how variable things are... or at least my life... erm... make that my moods... =)
While studying for my AA exam in the morning, I had the sudden inspiration/mood to write a poem...
Ya... gotta admit that I was brooding and obsessing... never ever wrote poetry in a good mood. hee...
Ha! but since I've already written it, might as well put it up... Waste not, want not mah!
There's no need for me to do Prac Crit on my little verse right? Shall assume my friends are all relatively arty farty (ew... what's the smell?) and can understand...
While studying for my AA exam in the morning, I had the sudden inspiration/mood to write a poem...
Ya... gotta admit that I was brooding and obsessing... never ever wrote poetry in a good mood. hee...
Ha! but since I've already written it, might as well put it up... Waste not, want not mah!
One week more to go,
Once more I would know:
Flux is not abnormal,
It's inexorable.
Deep gnawing sorrow,
A tribute to lie
fallow. Amplify,
My sacrifice that's non-Judeo.
It's quite amazing,
What one week can do...
There's no need for me to do Prac Crit on my little verse right? Shall assume my friends are all relatively arty farty (ew... what's the smell?) and can understand...
Anyway, the point of today's nonsense is that... despite the indications in the day that I'll be totally down and all. I'm actually feeling quite happy now lah... yea!
Coz ah, first HT came to pay homage at my wooden throne. HT's such a reality check friend... haha... what a phrase... so honest she never fails to make me happy. Really, it is not oxymoronic. She puts my screwed up mind in such clear perspective sometimes. But today, we just bitched. Ha... What else is new right? Told her bout my recent escapades with the "qi-sin" guy... which always cheers me up coz Mr Qi-sin was just so ridiculous that I'm still super incredulous when I recount the whole incident. Then HT told me bout "Tiara"... Ho Ho... I'm sorry if no one but me gets this part. But its just so freakin funny how members of the opposite sex can be so erm... nuts.
Pun absolutely intended.
K, know I promised never to make my entries like diaries. Coz it does end up like the "I studied, I talked to xyz... " Lagi boring lah!
But must say that I know what cheers me up. Making new friends and just talking nonsense to ppl... finally went to talk to this hi-bye friend for the first time. Little did I guess that L and I talked for like 2 hours! Wow! Amazing how L totally sucked up all my energy after that... ha... told K that he sucked up all my "yang qi". But was just cool that considering I never had a proper conversation with L, yakking for so long at one time was amazing...
For all of those uninitiated out there. This is what excessive studying and loneliness does to you.
You just randomly grab at company.
Poor L got me... haha...
Just so amazed that I know so clearly now that I just need quality company.
Just so amazed that I can be so tired and still blog.
Just so amazed that my bro nags at me to get offline...
Just so amazed that you're reading this. =)
Shoo... go add a comment so that it wun look like I'm talking to myself. Ha...
Drifting off to sleep now...
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Monday, November 22, 2004 |
0 comments
Not pretty but darn cheeky... so me now...
(taken by K when me, JY, Kel, Michelle & J went for the Zouk garage sale. Quite long ago already but the mood is right for the moment)
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Sunday, November 21, 2004 |
2 comments
Dilemma!
Should I blatantly, thick-skinly advertise my addy on my wondrous msn nick that I now keep a blog?
I mean, there are always so much concerns rite? Like responsibility of thoughts, the impact it has on ppl, the backlash u might get (ala that famous blogging girl whose site I won't mention coz I dun wanna give free publicity... ha... siao!), that people might think you're manipulating... blah blah blah...
But you know what my greatest concern is?
That my quality of writing may not be impressive. I mean, why must my personal space online be perfect? But more on that another time...
I realized that Mag's words keep coming back to haunt me. Something to the effect of why would someone with better things to do keep a blog? So there's this bit of insecurity in being afraid that if I don't even have something good to say, then I'm like this totally no-life person with no talent and personality even... *glup*
Then again, come to think of it. The first bit is true at least... I really don't have much of a life now. Ha... exam period and all... so it's ok. =)
(excuses... excuses... excuses!)
Remember what I said about my blog space not being a diary? On the bus today, was actually thinking of putting down that I went Munchies Monkey with HL for a late dinner. ( I know I'm putting it down even though I implied that I wasn't going to, but this leads to a larger point. Bear with me...)
Keeping in mind that blogs are published with an intention to be read. This then points to my underlying psychological/subconscious desire to let people know that I DO have a life. Yea? Was also tempted to put down that my friend's a guy.
As I'm typing this, I can't help being amazed at what simmers within me when I do confront myself honestly. Who is it that I want to let them know that I do go out on dinner dates? (It's not a date honestly. Just dinner.) I mean, the intention is there to give the false impression that my life is definitely more "happening" than it actually is.
(this kinda sounds loser-ish...ha...but part of my being brutally honest with myself project)
I know who lah... which is why I'm hesitant about publizing the blog. Coz I'm afraid of the potential backlash. Reading people's blogs can be quite an obsessive way of keeping in the loop in other people's lives you know... ha...
(speaking from personal experience eh? *sheepish look*)
Paiseh...
Come to think of it, when we suddenly think of a person. Let's say like a friend in primary school or secondary school, it is termed nostalgia. When it is a close friend whom we're not so close to these days, it is nostalgia, regret and a sense that it is such a pity. Then, there are people whom you just miss...
Which is perhaps why I suddenly feel like posting my thoughts online. So that I won't be totally inaccessible to those I treasure. So that somehow, there's a thread linking us... Valiantly trying to retain the nuances of these relationships, of good old times...
Because people drift...
Like clouds...
Should I blatantly, thick-skinly advertise my addy on my wondrous msn nick that I now keep a blog?
I mean, there are always so much concerns rite? Like responsibility of thoughts, the impact it has on ppl, the backlash u might get (ala that famous blogging girl whose site I won't mention coz I dun wanna give free publicity... ha... siao!), that people might think you're manipulating... blah blah blah...
But you know what my greatest concern is?
That my quality of writing may not be impressive. I mean, why must my personal space online be perfect? But more on that another time...
I realized that Mag's words keep coming back to haunt me. Something to the effect of why would someone with better things to do keep a blog? So there's this bit of insecurity in being afraid that if I don't even have something good to say, then I'm like this totally no-life person with no talent and personality even... *glup*
Then again, come to think of it. The first bit is true at least... I really don't have much of a life now. Ha... exam period and all... so it's ok. =)
(excuses... excuses... excuses!)
Remember what I said about my blog space not being a diary? On the bus today, was actually thinking of putting down that I went Munchies Monkey with HL for a late dinner. ( I know I'm putting it down even though I implied that I wasn't going to, but this leads to a larger point. Bear with me...)
Keeping in mind that blogs are published with an intention to be read. This then points to my underlying psychological/subconscious desire to let people know that I DO have a life. Yea? Was also tempted to put down that my friend's a guy.
As I'm typing this, I can't help being amazed at what simmers within me when I do confront myself honestly. Who is it that I want to let them know that I do go out on dinner dates? (It's not a date honestly. Just dinner.) I mean, the intention is there to give the false impression that my life is definitely more "happening" than it actually is.
(this kinda sounds loser-ish...ha...but part of my being brutally honest with myself project)
I know who lah... which is why I'm hesitant about publizing the blog. Coz I'm afraid of the potential backlash. Reading people's blogs can be quite an obsessive way of keeping in the loop in other people's lives you know... ha...
(speaking from personal experience eh? *sheepish look*)
Paiseh...
Come to think of it, when we suddenly think of a person. Let's say like a friend in primary school or secondary school, it is termed nostalgia. When it is a close friend whom we're not so close to these days, it is nostalgia, regret and a sense that it is such a pity. Then, there are people whom you just miss...
Which is perhaps why I suddenly feel like posting my thoughts online. So that I won't be totally inaccessible to those I treasure. So that somehow, there's a thread linking us... Valiantly trying to retain the nuances of these relationships, of good old times...
Because people drift...
Like clouds...
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Saturday, November 20, 2004 |
0 comments
Was so so so so tempted after I finished my 1st paper to blog and complain about it. But I guess I won't. Well, I really won't. Coz I have no intention of letting this online medium of communication become a diary... can u imagine? It'll be super boring then...
"Today I woke up. My dad sent me to school. I studied. I had lunch. I couldn't make up my mind about what to eat. Studied some more. Talked to x, y and z who stopped by my bench. Dinner. Took bus home. Talked on the phone. Slept..."
"Tomorrow I woke up. My dad sent me to school. I studied. I had lunch. I couldn't make up my mind about what to eat. Studied some more. Talked to x, y and z who stopped by my bench. Dinner. Took bus home. Talked on the phone. Slept..."
"The next day, I woke up. My dad sent me to school. I studied. I had lunch. I couldn't make up my mind about what to eat. Studied some more. Talked to x, y and z who stopped by my bench. Dinner. Took bus home. Talked on the phone. Slept..."
Oh? You got the point? =P
Where was I?
Ah... the point is that this is supposed to be for my musings. As if you know, I do have quite a lot of crap to say. And... even though I do vocalize my ramblings quite a bit, there is actually more I'm sparing your ears from.
And I've decided... Enough! It's enough!
I'm not going to spare your eyes anymore...
haha...
So there! here actually... hee...
Of course like in the case of any life changing decision, there is an altruistic slant to this.
There is... yes... there is... tilt your head more and you can see it...
Ho ho! Can't believe how lame I can be.
Back to the point, which is: My darling brother will be going to Iraq soon, so this is a wonderful plane for him to keep in touch with me, to keep afresh his fantastic array of memories of his dear sister.
I mean, there are many sides to a person really. Some times we present a zany side of ourselves, other times a serious, thoughtful side, yet other times, a lost and needy side... I used to wonder if showing different sides to different people equates to hypocrisy. But I'm glad I've come to understand this issue from another perspective.
Multi-faceted.
I am.
So enjoy the view from your angle. It probably will be different the next time you look at me. Coz you've moved on and I've grown a new side.
Like clouds...
"Today I woke up. My dad sent me to school. I studied. I had lunch. I couldn't make up my mind about what to eat. Studied some more. Talked to x, y and z who stopped by my bench. Dinner. Took bus home. Talked on the phone. Slept..."
"Tomorrow I woke up. My dad sent me to school. I studied. I had lunch. I couldn't make up my mind about what to eat. Studied some more. Talked to x, y and z who stopped by my bench. Dinner. Took bus home. Talked on the phone. Slept..."
"The next day, I woke up. My dad sent me to school. I studied. I had lunch. I couldn't make up my mind about what to eat. Studied some more. Talked to x, y and z who stopped by my bench. Dinner. Took bus home. Talked on the phone. Slept..."
Oh? You got the point? =P
Where was I?
Ah... the point is that this is supposed to be for my musings. As if you know, I do have quite a lot of crap to say. And... even though I do vocalize my ramblings quite a bit, there is actually more I'm sparing your ears from.
And I've decided... Enough! It's enough!
I'm not going to spare your eyes anymore...
haha...
So there! here actually... hee...
Of course like in the case of any life changing decision, there is an altruistic slant to this.
There is... yes... there is... tilt your head more and you can see it...
Ho ho! Can't believe how lame I can be.
Back to the point, which is: My darling brother will be going to Iraq soon, so this is a wonderful plane for him to keep in touch with me, to keep afresh his fantastic array of memories of his dear sister.
I mean, there are many sides to a person really. Some times we present a zany side of ourselves, other times a serious, thoughtful side, yet other times, a lost and needy side... I used to wonder if showing different sides to different people equates to hypocrisy. But I'm glad I've come to understand this issue from another perspective.
Multi-faceted.
I am.
So enjoy the view from your angle. It probably will be different the next time you look at me. Coz you've moved on and I've grown a new side.
Like clouds...
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Saturday, November 20, 2004 |
0 comments
Been making new friends recently... Quite cool really, when acquaintances whom you weren't very close to actually conduct an amusing msn-chat with you, when friends become special partners you can chat in the night with, when talking hmm-haw conversations become talking cock sessions, when your computer screen is littered with "haha", when you smile to your laptop...
eh... skip that last bit...so not cool, totally unglam.
think what I really need in my life is company. good clean fun... really appreciate friends who have been supportive during this traumatic time of my life. Thanks for listening to me bitch bout the same things day in day out...
what? u're just kaypo?
ai...
hee... well, what ever it is. Thanks...
Wanna thank my dad and my bro and JY, HD, K, XX, FY, JT, M, A, NH, IT... (spot ur initials) but most importantly, Thank God for putting you in my life! Thank you!
*muah* (kisses trophy)
*applause*
eh... skip that last bit...so not cool, totally unglam.
think what I really need in my life is company. good clean fun... really appreciate friends who have been supportive during this traumatic time of my life. Thanks for listening to me bitch bout the same things day in day out...
what? u're just kaypo?
ai...
hee... well, what ever it is. Thanks...
Wanna thank my dad and my bro and JY, HD, K, XX, FY, JT, M, A, NH, IT... (spot ur initials) but most importantly, Thank God for putting you in my life! Thank you!
*muah* (kisses trophy)
*applause*
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Friday, November 19, 2004 |
0 comments
Virgin Post... Maiden Flight... First Kiss
Wow...my very own blog! Set up 1 day before exams! How crazy can I get? Or rather, how unmotivated... =(
Won't be a long first post since I've gotta get back to Romanticism (lurve Dr Ang by the way)
So I'll wait till another time to explain why I wanna blog and all, if I do feel like it again.
But the main point here today is: Thanks to Hongda and Kelvin for helping me with the blogskin. Feels good to have nice, helpful friends around… Really appreciate it 'men'... (quite literally too huh? Ha...)
Oh, anyway... the title is too sensational... contents kinda anti-climax right? hee...
K, going nuts...sanity drifting off......
Wow...my very own blog! Set up 1 day before exams! How crazy can I get? Or rather, how unmotivated... =(
Won't be a long first post since I've gotta get back to Romanticism (lurve Dr Ang by the way)
So I'll wait till another time to explain why I wanna blog and all, if I do feel like it again.
But the main point here today is: Thanks to Hongda and Kelvin for helping me with the blogskin. Feels good to have nice, helpful friends around… Really appreciate it 'men'... (quite literally too huh? Ha...)
Oh, anyway... the title is too sensational... contents kinda anti-climax right? hee...
K, going nuts...sanity drifting off......
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Friday, November 19, 2004 |
0 comments
