So confused, there’s this gamut of thoughts and feelings just running all across, over and around my mind.
ARGH!
*breath in… breathe out… breath in…* Let me try and organize and compartmentalize them.
“Give me order in my life!!!!!”
Anyway… here it goes…
It’s more or less settled, I’m not going out with Golli on Monday. It was… I guess, it is quite a strange feeling that I feel in my guts now. Not quite sour, but not really bitter-sweet, sorta poignant except that it didn’t happen long ago enough…but anyway, the general gist is that it’s not exactly a fantastic feeling. In summary, I would have gone out with him if not for the fact that:
1. His class ends at 8pm and I for sure am not going to hang around from 5pm to wait for him to end. That’s being too bloody available… An image issue.
2. I gotta be home early, bout 10+pm coz it’s a school day and it’s Vday. If I reach home later, my parents will definitely reenact an inquisition. As you know, I don’t believe in lying, then, the truth bout Golli would definitely get out and I’ll have no peace for the next 2 years. So, nope…
3. Given the above 2 reasons, it really doesn’t make practical sense to meet up rite? Plus everywhere will be full of irritating lovey-dovey couples. What the heck is there to do?
So after I told him, his reply was darn curt:
(I’m gonna go into details here coz readership polls tell me that people express interest in each excruciating detail…)
“Doesn’t matter… Next time please tell me from the start. Thanks a lot!”
Ouch…
Being the nice person I am, my safe reply was: “oh… you sound pissed” or something along that line…Answer?
“Nope… I don’t have any right to”
Of course, everything must verify rite? Double check again yea? The answer again?
“Nope, even if I were I shouldn’t, I got no right to…”
What the heck? Is that a guilt trip trap or what?
Was just talking to JY and the darling girl is worried bout me being burnt again. I sure as hell hope not. At least this time, Golli is most likely not going to spell things out specifically to me. Was talking to him bout some stuff and he made a comment that went something like:
“Come on… no one is ever going to tell you that they like you. Look at you…”
Essentially, his psychoanalysis of me is that, I’m a pessimist who doesn’t believe in love and in giving relationship chances. Also an idealist living in lala-land thinking that some perfect Prince Charming will come along.
Hah! Pretty accurate huh?
Whatever it is, I sure hope he wun tell me lah… Coz I’d much rather have something that is sweet and slowly fades away… direct confrontation only leads to casualties.
Know what’s bloody ironic? While I’m going through this “crisis”, within this week, I’ve had trusty intelligence-service spies report to me that there are rumors that I’m interested in, not one… but TWO guys!
What the heck?
Bloody hell… do I look desperate? $%^& it…
Anyway, in reflection, guess my cryptic postings create confusion. Plus the fact that these days, I keep going on and on about the same love nonsense…
So… *guilty face*
Perhaps it does seem like I’m darn man-hungry, boy-crazy…
Ignorant people out there have no idea how hard I am to extricate myself from amorous cross gender relationships.
ARGH!
*breath in… breathe out… breath in…* Let me try and organize and compartmentalize them.
“Give me order in my life!!!!!”
Anyway… here it goes…
It’s more or less settled, I’m not going out with Golli on Monday. It was… I guess, it is quite a strange feeling that I feel in my guts now. Not quite sour, but not really bitter-sweet, sorta poignant except that it didn’t happen long ago enough…but anyway, the general gist is that it’s not exactly a fantastic feeling. In summary, I would have gone out with him if not for the fact that:
1. His class ends at 8pm and I for sure am not going to hang around from 5pm to wait for him to end. That’s being too bloody available… An image issue.
2. I gotta be home early, bout 10+pm coz it’s a school day and it’s Vday. If I reach home later, my parents will definitely reenact an inquisition. As you know, I don’t believe in lying, then, the truth bout Golli would definitely get out and I’ll have no peace for the next 2 years. So, nope…
3. Given the above 2 reasons, it really doesn’t make practical sense to meet up rite? Plus everywhere will be full of irritating lovey-dovey couples. What the heck is there to do?
So after I told him, his reply was darn curt:
(I’m gonna go into details here coz readership polls tell me that people express interest in each excruciating detail…)
“Doesn’t matter… Next time please tell me from the start. Thanks a lot!”
Ouch…
Being the nice person I am, my safe reply was: “oh… you sound pissed” or something along that line…Answer?
“Nope… I don’t have any right to”
Of course, everything must verify rite? Double check again yea? The answer again?
“Nope, even if I were I shouldn’t, I got no right to…”
What the heck? Is that a guilt trip trap or what?
Was just talking to JY and the darling girl is worried bout me being burnt again. I sure as hell hope not. At least this time, Golli is most likely not going to spell things out specifically to me. Was talking to him bout some stuff and he made a comment that went something like:
“Come on… no one is ever going to tell you that they like you. Look at you…”
Essentially, his psychoanalysis of me is that, I’m a pessimist who doesn’t believe in love and in giving relationship chances. Also an idealist living in lala-land thinking that some perfect Prince Charming will come along.
Hah! Pretty accurate huh?
Whatever it is, I sure hope he wun tell me lah… Coz I’d much rather have something that is sweet and slowly fades away… direct confrontation only leads to casualties.
Know what’s bloody ironic? While I’m going through this “crisis”, within this week, I’ve had trusty intelligence-service spies report to me that there are rumors that I’m interested in, not one… but TWO guys!
What the heck?
Bloody hell… do I look desperate? $%^& it…
Anyway, in reflection, guess my cryptic postings create confusion. Plus the fact that these days, I keep going on and on about the same love nonsense…
So… *guilty face*
Perhaps it does seem like I’m darn man-hungry, boy-crazy…
Ignorant people out there have no idea how hard I am to extricate myself from amorous cross gender relationships.
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Sunday, February 13, 2005 |
0 comments
