(In memory of hanging out with A, F and Sex and the City)
“I can’t help but wonder…”
about double standards. Have been on the receiving end of some sweet words recently and by the choice of diction, I’m already making a conscious effort to select less loaded words coz to me, ‘sweet words’ actually mean ‘sweet talk’. The later obviously denotes meaningless lip service… you know the song that goes something like “and words, are all I have to give, to take your heart away”? Badass remarked once that that’s the “buaya” theme song. Hah! That stuck in my mind coz those jerks who play with our hearts only do use words, but then again, it only takes mere words to make hearts thump that little faster.
So now that I’ve formed a skeptical opinion about sweet talkers aka flirts. As some of you may have noticed on msn, darling Badass says that I flirt too much, with everybody apparently…*flutters eyelashes* In the course of doing so, inevitably, I end up flirting with some bad asses and then get myself into a fix. I’ve never in my life, until this couple of days thought of myself as flirtatious. Guess flirting (as other people think of it) has always been classified under harmless fun. I suppose it started off as early as primary school when I used to tug at Huiying’s sleeves.
(This is the part where I start becoming sociological/ philosophical…)
My theory is that being from all girls’ schools removes certain concepts of gender/social norms. My friends and I hold hands, slap each other’s butts, bat eyelashes at each other, use terms of endearment on one another… and while I’m at it, I’ve kissed a couple of girl friends too.
For me, when I’m friendly/flirting with you, it is coz I treat you as a good friend. And if you’re a guy, then it means that I no longer make distinctions between you as a guy and as a friend. Know what I mean? Like you’re a friend good enough to be treated like a normal friend instead of another category of ‘male friends whom I keep a respectable distance from coz I don’t know how you’ll react’.
In a sense, that’s double standards. I can flirt/be nice/friendly (depends on how you perceive things or how blindly-loyal a friend you are to me. Hee…) for all I want coz I’m just like that; whereas if someone does the same to me, then that person has ulterior motives.
It didn’t use to be like this. In the past, when I still thought of myself as gender neutral, when all my friends safely saw me as a man trapped in a woman’s body, when it was impossible for someone to actually like me, there was no problem at all. I seriously have yet to reconcile the notion that when members of the sex I prefer to be want to “get to know you better” it is not simply because I’m damn full of c**k, I get dirty jokes fast, I find it amusing that they can burp Beethoven’s symphony, I know wrestling moves, I drink beer or that I check out babes with them.
During times like this, I get really frustrated for being self-conscious and being conscious of what goes on in my mind. Is it possible to have too much of a conscience? In a way, if I proudly embrace the fact that I’m totally depraved (according to Puritanism, we all are coz we live in the post-lapsarian world. Ha! American Lit!) I can stop thinking about how I should be and just BE. Then, there’ll be no more grappling with what I feel and how wrong that is coz there are this, that and so extenuating circumstances.
If having a conscience, knowing what’s right and wrong, is what differentiates us from animals and if being reflective or conscious (as I use the word) supposedly makes one a thinking person. Can I negotiate with the divine one to have limited consciousness and conscience?
How bout that? That’ll make me half beast and half man!
coz we all know that men don’t think.
Haha!
Just saying only ah, dun get too agitated.
I’m a lousy feminist…
“I can’t help but wonder…”
about double standards. Have been on the receiving end of some sweet words recently and by the choice of diction, I’m already making a conscious effort to select less loaded words coz to me, ‘sweet words’ actually mean ‘sweet talk’. The later obviously denotes meaningless lip service… you know the song that goes something like “and words, are all I have to give, to take your heart away”? Badass remarked once that that’s the “buaya” theme song. Hah! That stuck in my mind coz those jerks who play with our hearts only do use words, but then again, it only takes mere words to make hearts thump that little faster.
So now that I’ve formed a skeptical opinion about sweet talkers aka flirts. As some of you may have noticed on msn, darling Badass says that I flirt too much, with everybody apparently…*flutters eyelashes* In the course of doing so, inevitably, I end up flirting with some bad asses and then get myself into a fix. I’ve never in my life, until this couple of days thought of myself as flirtatious. Guess flirting (as other people think of it) has always been classified under harmless fun. I suppose it started off as early as primary school when I used to tug at Huiying’s sleeves.
(This is the part where I start becoming sociological/ philosophical…)
My theory is that being from all girls’ schools removes certain concepts of gender/social norms. My friends and I hold hands, slap each other’s butts, bat eyelashes at each other, use terms of endearment on one another… and while I’m at it, I’ve kissed a couple of girl friends too.
For me, when I’m friendly/flirting with you, it is coz I treat you as a good friend. And if you’re a guy, then it means that I no longer make distinctions between you as a guy and as a friend. Know what I mean? Like you’re a friend good enough to be treated like a normal friend instead of another category of ‘male friends whom I keep a respectable distance from coz I don’t know how you’ll react’.
In a sense, that’s double standards. I can flirt/be nice/friendly (depends on how you perceive things or how blindly-loyal a friend you are to me. Hee…) for all I want coz I’m just like that; whereas if someone does the same to me, then that person has ulterior motives.
It didn’t use to be like this. In the past, when I still thought of myself as gender neutral, when all my friends safely saw me as a man trapped in a woman’s body, when it was impossible for someone to actually like me, there was no problem at all. I seriously have yet to reconcile the notion that when members of the sex I prefer to be want to “get to know you better” it is not simply because I’m damn full of c**k, I get dirty jokes fast, I find it amusing that they can burp Beethoven’s symphony, I know wrestling moves, I drink beer or that I check out babes with them.
During times like this, I get really frustrated for being self-conscious and being conscious of what goes on in my mind. Is it possible to have too much of a conscience? In a way, if I proudly embrace the fact that I’m totally depraved (according to Puritanism, we all are coz we live in the post-lapsarian world. Ha! American Lit!) I can stop thinking about how I should be and just BE. Then, there’ll be no more grappling with what I feel and how wrong that is coz there are this, that and so extenuating circumstances.
If having a conscience, knowing what’s right and wrong, is what differentiates us from animals and if being reflective or conscious (as I use the word) supposedly makes one a thinking person. Can I negotiate with the divine one to have limited consciousness and conscience?
How bout that? That’ll make me half beast and half man!
coz we all know that men don’t think.
Haha!
Just saying only ah, dun get too agitated.
I’m a lousy feminist…
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Wednesday, February 02, 2005 |
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