or
Freakin Pissed Off
For some strange reason, the probability of me wearing my salmon pink tee with jeans is incredulously high when I’m meeting my bunch of girlfriends from NY. If I do go for Bel’s and Dor’s bday celebration tonight, it’ll make today at least the 3rd time! And how do I know? Because we take PHOTOS each time. What the heck?! Knowing how darn vain I am, this is the 1st and the mildest thing that’s making me feel that the world is a F-ed up place.
And we don’t even meet all the time??!!! Grr…
Stupid laptop is down. AGAIN! That moron has to create some kind of a problem at least once every sem. I mean, it is essentially just a glorified typewriter. What do you think you are huh? Some big shot is it? Huh huh! WTF! If you didn’t cost a bloody 3k, I would have smashed you a long time ago.
When are you coming home Didi! I need you to get a new computer!
Speaking of technology that cocks up… Bloody hand phone is also giving me shit. For a while yesterday, I was relishing in the fact that for once, that almost valueless piece of junk gives me reception periodically in the LT. Before I continue, that pager disguised as a phone only has a trade-in value of $60. With the scratched keypad, it’s only worth $40. That makes me the proud owner of positively (note this) the shittiest camera phone ever! So yea, damn phone now has problems with the photo-album. I can’t save any new pictures taken and can’t send MMS. You tell me, what’s the point of having that lens if I can only take damn lousy resolution photos and can’t even save it? Huh? Check my hair ah?
When are you coming home Didi! I need you to get me a new HP! (with Normie)
Just when you think I’m done ranting… Noooo…. There’s more! Got a 40 min ‘lecture’ (and I’m already making an understatement) from my parents last night for coming home late at 1220. First of, think, how many people you know have a curfew. Now, minus the adults. Then take the away those people who have lived away from home for a period of time. That leaves? Just Me! The last puritan virgin in Singapore. To think that in a few months’ time, should I choose to graduate, I’ll be a highly educated, self-sufficient, modern Singaporean woman. Talk about woman’s Lib.
Ok, now that I’ve got the sarcasm and frustration out. Let’s move on to release the dark tormented soul.
It’s not so bad being scolded really. Most people realize after a while that I’m masochistic. But in trying to educate/be kind, my parents said some things that really sunk their claws deep into my sore and vulnerable spots. Here’s the blow by blow account: First, I’m extremely ill disciplined. Because my father insists on sending me to school, for fear that if he doesn’t ensure that I’m in school, I’ll just skip or be late for class. Due to that, he is late for work every morning. No one else other than my parents would tolerate me nor can they live with me because I mess up other people’s lives as well. Which is why, I can’t make boyfriend(s) stay, as any half brained person would know better and pack their bags.
Some times my friends wonder why I come up with spastic dumb-assed theories/logic. What can I say? I come from good stock.
Despite me thinking that the flow of the argument is highly fallacious, what they’ve said assaults this highly insecure place within me. My life is really messed up these days. Lagging behind in school work, darn unmotivated to do the other stuff I’m supposed to do, can’t tolerate staying at home… and… I’m getting very tired pushing things to the back of my mind and willing the muscles on my cheeks to contract.
:-/
Plus I hate lying. I hate the omission of truth as well. And these days, I’ve been forced to do that. Once in a while, I wish I’m dead. Or at least like Donne puts it, that nature, that all that is good and beautiful would be frosted over. Then no one would rub their happiness in my face.
Me-sery loves company.
If I can’t have that, then I wish I can’t feel. If in order for my heart to feel, I must live with pain, I’d rather not feel.
But I can’t.
So it’s the same conclusion as always. The solution is so obvious. So stark, standing there like a slap to my face. But I’m masochistic remember? I live with the pain to enjoy the fleeting moments of pleasure. So it’s true after all.
Listen to your parents.
Late nights are bad.
Computers spoil your eyesight.
Don’t SMS too much.
Good girls don’t use ‘fuck’.
Hah!
And we don’t even meet all the time??!!! Grr…
Stupid laptop is down. AGAIN! That moron has to create some kind of a problem at least once every sem. I mean, it is essentially just a glorified typewriter. What do you think you are huh? Some big shot is it? Huh huh! WTF! If you didn’t cost a bloody 3k, I would have smashed you a long time ago.
When are you coming home Didi! I need you to get a new computer!
Speaking of technology that cocks up… Bloody hand phone is also giving me shit. For a while yesterday, I was relishing in the fact that for once, that almost valueless piece of junk gives me reception periodically in the LT. Before I continue, that pager disguised as a phone only has a trade-in value of $60. With the scratched keypad, it’s only worth $40. That makes me the proud owner of positively (note this) the shittiest camera phone ever! So yea, damn phone now has problems with the photo-album. I can’t save any new pictures taken and can’t send MMS. You tell me, what’s the point of having that lens if I can only take damn lousy resolution photos and can’t even save it? Huh? Check my hair ah?
When are you coming home Didi! I need you to get me a new HP! (with Normie)
Just when you think I’m done ranting… Noooo…. There’s more! Got a 40 min ‘lecture’ (and I’m already making an understatement) from my parents last night for coming home late at 1220. First of, think, how many people you know have a curfew. Now, minus the adults. Then take the away those people who have lived away from home for a period of time. That leaves? Just Me! The last puritan virgin in Singapore. To think that in a few months’ time, should I choose to graduate, I’ll be a highly educated, self-sufficient, modern Singaporean woman. Talk about woman’s Lib.
Ok, now that I’ve got the sarcasm and frustration out. Let’s move on to release the dark tormented soul.
It’s not so bad being scolded really. Most people realize after a while that I’m masochistic. But in trying to educate/be kind, my parents said some things that really sunk their claws deep into my sore and vulnerable spots. Here’s the blow by blow account: First, I’m extremely ill disciplined. Because my father insists on sending me to school, for fear that if he doesn’t ensure that I’m in school, I’ll just skip or be late for class. Due to that, he is late for work every morning. No one else other than my parents would tolerate me nor can they live with me because I mess up other people’s lives as well. Which is why, I can’t make boyfriend(s) stay, as any half brained person would know better and pack their bags.
Some times my friends wonder why I come up with spastic dumb-assed theories/logic. What can I say? I come from good stock.
Despite me thinking that the flow of the argument is highly fallacious, what they’ve said assaults this highly insecure place within me. My life is really messed up these days. Lagging behind in school work, darn unmotivated to do the other stuff I’m supposed to do, can’t tolerate staying at home… and… I’m getting very tired pushing things to the back of my mind and willing the muscles on my cheeks to contract.
:-/
Plus I hate lying. I hate the omission of truth as well. And these days, I’ve been forced to do that. Once in a while, I wish I’m dead. Or at least like Donne puts it, that nature, that all that is good and beautiful would be frosted over. Then no one would rub their happiness in my face.
Me-sery loves company.
If I can’t have that, then I wish I can’t feel. If in order for my heart to feel, I must live with pain, I’d rather not feel.
But I can’t.
So it’s the same conclusion as always. The solution is so obvious. So stark, standing there like a slap to my face. But I’m masochistic remember? I live with the pain to enjoy the fleeting moments of pleasure. So it’s true after all.
Listen to your parents.
Late nights are bad.
Computers spoil your eyesight.
Don’t SMS too much.
Good girls don’t use ‘fuck’.
Hah!
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Tuesday, February 15, 2005 |
3 comments
