In a way, I’m still the idiot I am. In the car this morning, my dad made yet another comment that considering how bright I am at certain things, when it comes to some stuff, I’m repeatedly stupid.
I didn’t respond to that so that I won’t give myself away. That’s smart right?
We all know how the cliché goes, that with each experience, we live and learn. I totally buy that, and in my interaction with people, whether I feel good or not, I have tried to find out what is it that I need to improve on.
I’ve tried to be open-minded and learn. That’s good right?
But somewhere along the way, some information or lessons taught come pretty hard. Especially when they deal with who you are essentially. Recently, I’ve been told some stuff about myself, some of them have not been concretized into words, you know how it is? To have impressions on your mind yet to be formed into words…
So yea, I’m a quitter. When things don’t go my way, I quit.
I have blinkered vision. I fix my eyes on limited areas, usually on the negative.
Also, that I’m a liar.
I’m, to be very kind to myself, contradictory. I claim to believe in some things only when they’re to my benefit.
…
The list goes on.
I’m sitting here wondering, should I be grateful that my flaws have been pointed out to me?
Or perhaps I should react like some people I know who turn the tables around and snap at the person who made these comments. Accuse them back? (I won’t… I try to be non-confrontational)
Should I defend myself? But I won’t coz I have a very strong and vibrant guilt complex. Somehow, I’ll find some way for the accusations to fit. It’s quite unhealthy to some people, but well, what can I say? For the sake of self-improvement…
Then I think… did other people see these in me but never told me? Do I live with indulgent friends or with people who don’t dare to speak their mind to me? Am I that hard to love and to live with?
Increasingly, I find it hard to live with myself.
The thinking question of the day is: Are you unhappy because of your environment or because of yourself?
I didn’t respond to that so that I won’t give myself away. That’s smart right?
We all know how the cliché goes, that with each experience, we live and learn. I totally buy that, and in my interaction with people, whether I feel good or not, I have tried to find out what is it that I need to improve on.
I’ve tried to be open-minded and learn. That’s good right?
But somewhere along the way, some information or lessons taught come pretty hard. Especially when they deal with who you are essentially. Recently, I’ve been told some stuff about myself, some of them have not been concretized into words, you know how it is? To have impressions on your mind yet to be formed into words…
So yea, I’m a quitter. When things don’t go my way, I quit.
I have blinkered vision. I fix my eyes on limited areas, usually on the negative.
Also, that I’m a liar.
I’m, to be very kind to myself, contradictory. I claim to believe in some things only when they’re to my benefit.
…
The list goes on.
I’m sitting here wondering, should I be grateful that my flaws have been pointed out to me?
Or perhaps I should react like some people I know who turn the tables around and snap at the person who made these comments. Accuse them back? (I won’t… I try to be non-confrontational)
Should I defend myself? But I won’t coz I have a very strong and vibrant guilt complex. Somehow, I’ll find some way for the accusations to fit. It’s quite unhealthy to some people, but well, what can I say? For the sake of self-improvement…
Then I think… did other people see these in me but never told me? Do I live with indulgent friends or with people who don’t dare to speak their mind to me? Am I that hard to love and to live with?
Increasingly, I find it hard to live with myself.
The thinking question of the day is: Are you unhappy because of your environment or because of yourself?
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Thursday, April 07, 2005 |
1 comments
