While humoring Walter Lim, i.e. doing my EN3221 English Renaissance essay, I attained this epiphany. (see? It pays to do your homework)
*grinz* ok, so the choice of word is a wee little too exaggerated. But it dawned upon me that I’ve been harboring unrealistic expectations. But let me back track a little to the Renaissance essay.
I was making a point that John Donne’s devotional lyrics seem more anxious than Herbert’s because they are more intellectual. I quote myself:
*ahem*
“I would suggest that Donne’s anxieties regarding God’s love are in part the result of his human frailty. In trying to explain and to theologize God’s love, Donne not only detaches the emotive aspects of love from his perception of God’s love but also limits the potential of His love to the parameters of what he is able to imagine.”
Guess this brings across two dimensions of human emotions. There is a logical side and an emotional side. Now, for example I might know that eating will make me fat. But when faced with that shiny piece of foil-wrapped chocolate that twinkles at you, for you; and knowing very well that beneath the dark bitter covering layer of chocolate, there’s a rich, creamy filling chock-full of nuts waiting for you…
*droolz* I just have to eat it.
That’s the emotional part, the part of us that defies logic.
How many times have I made an analytical decision only to do something, only to end up doing something that’s the exact opposite.
That’s the issue of self contradiction. Walt Whitman says: (so did my msn nick)
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”
I’ve mentioned somewhere before that I’m multifaceted. So, being always very kind and indulgent to myself and my human failings, I embrace the contradictions? Hmm… (*pause* merciless self evaluation will stop here today for this topic, lest I digress…too much)
Anyway, returning to the point I was trying to make. There’s this particular decision that I’ve made that is largely based on an emotional reaction. Therefore, in the course of sticking to that decision, I realized that like Donne, when trying to theologize on something abstract, a lot of anxieties and questions are unavoidably evoked. Then I recall my decision when I made that decision that I decided (haha… my vocab’s bad) to just screw what I think and… feel.
I forgot.
To some, this would be another instance of self-contradiction. I wouldn’t say I lie, coz that’s the underlying wrong of self-contradiction, but perhaps due to the fact that I’m a verbal and emotional being, I express what I feel at a particular moment; which, should never be taken as gospel truth.
Let me illustrate: If I say that you’re an ass,
It may very well be that I think that you’re an ass now. Tomorrow, when you publish a paper on the laws of Quantum Physics or something of that sort, I won’t say that you’re an ass any more.
Coz when external circumstances change, what you see and think changes too.
So, we need some stabilizing force to anchor us. Like gravity… Or the severity of a situation.
In case you think that I’m making excuses for myself. Let me just quantify… this is what I think at this very moment of writing k? Lest it be said that I’m hypocritical when I say something else when I see you…
At the end of the day, I don’t think I’ve said anything at all.
Hah!
*grinz* ok, so the choice of word is a wee little too exaggerated. But it dawned upon me that I’ve been harboring unrealistic expectations. But let me back track a little to the Renaissance essay.
I was making a point that John Donne’s devotional lyrics seem more anxious than Herbert’s because they are more intellectual. I quote myself:
*ahem*
“I would suggest that Donne’s anxieties regarding God’s love are in part the result of his human frailty. In trying to explain and to theologize God’s love, Donne not only detaches the emotive aspects of love from his perception of God’s love but also limits the potential of His love to the parameters of what he is able to imagine.”
Guess this brings across two dimensions of human emotions. There is a logical side and an emotional side. Now, for example I might know that eating will make me fat. But when faced with that shiny piece of foil-wrapped chocolate that twinkles at you, for you; and knowing very well that beneath the dark bitter covering layer of chocolate, there’s a rich, creamy filling chock-full of nuts waiting for you…
*droolz* I just have to eat it.
That’s the emotional part, the part of us that defies logic.
How many times have I made an analytical decision only to do something, only to end up doing something that’s the exact opposite.
That’s the issue of self contradiction. Walt Whitman says: (so did my msn nick)
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”
I’ve mentioned somewhere before that I’m multifaceted. So, being always very kind and indulgent to myself and my human failings, I embrace the contradictions? Hmm… (*pause* merciless self evaluation will stop here today for this topic, lest I digress…too much)
Anyway, returning to the point I was trying to make. There’s this particular decision that I’ve made that is largely based on an emotional reaction. Therefore, in the course of sticking to that decision, I realized that like Donne, when trying to theologize on something abstract, a lot of anxieties and questions are unavoidably evoked. Then I recall my decision when I made that decision that I decided (haha… my vocab’s bad) to just screw what I think and… feel.
I forgot.
To some, this would be another instance of self-contradiction. I wouldn’t say I lie, coz that’s the underlying wrong of self-contradiction, but perhaps due to the fact that I’m a verbal and emotional being, I express what I feel at a particular moment; which, should never be taken as gospel truth.
Let me illustrate: If I say that you’re an ass,
It may very well be that I think that you’re an ass now. Tomorrow, when you publish a paper on the laws of Quantum Physics or something of that sort, I won’t say that you’re an ass any more.
Coz when external circumstances change, what you see and think changes too.
So, we need some stabilizing force to anchor us. Like gravity… Or the severity of a situation.
In case you think that I’m making excuses for myself. Let me just quantify… this is what I think at this very moment of writing k? Lest it be said that I’m hypocritical when I say something else when I see you…
At the end of the day, I don’t think I’ve said anything at all.
Hah!
cLoUd DriFteD bY @ Saturday, April 09, 2005 |
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